Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Has Anyone Seen Lunar Tide?

These last several months I have been feeling lost.  What is my purpose?  Where am I going?  I’m not sure what to do.  I feel like I’m drifting in the wind.  I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling this way. I was trying to explain this feeling to my husband but he doesn’t quite understand how I feel. I don’t think it’s a mid-life crisis and I don’t think I’m depressed. I have many blessing in my life
I enjoy my job as a School Assistant.  My co-workers like me and appreciate what I do. When my co-worker friends are talking I feel left out--I can’t hear what they are saying because they are taller than me.  One of my co-workers is my height so I have no problem hearing her and I don’t feel left out of the conversation.  On the other hand it’s an advantage being short because it helps me interact with the kids. The kids like me and miss me when I am not on the yard. There are about 300 kids there and I try to know every one of them by name. A lot of them come to me to talk about things happening in their lives.  I like interacting with the students.  My job is important and I feel good about it but it’s not the main thing in my life.

I have a nice little family consisting of me, my husband and my son. Of course, sometimes they drive me crazy but I’m sure I drive them crazy, also.  I have a great son who I love hanging out with and talking with him.  He enjoys hanging out and talking to me.  My boy started high school this year—I cherish seeing him grow at school, as a person and spiritually.  He’s becoming a fine young man.  For the last 14 years what I have been is his mom but he will grow up and away from me as he should. Then what will I be?

I’ve been feeling disconnected from my mom, brother and sisters because they all live farther away from me and each other.    We used to get together during the holidays at my parent’s house but after my dad died it got fewer and farther in between to not at all.  My mom sold our childhood home and now lives 3 hours away. We hardly get together anymore.

So that is an inventory of my life but it isn’t quite. I don’t think there’s anything missing in my live I am just missing me. I am trying to figure out why I am feeling lost, disconnected? .My life doesn’t suck but I don’t know what my life is. Has anyone else felt this way?  What did you do to overcome it?  Or do I just need to figure it out for myself? 

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